Keep the light going

She is sitting there,
Near a flickering light.
I am trying to get her out,
to get the immense happiness out.
I want to feel it,
the way it feels when I talk to my imaginary friend
or when a dog wags at me
or when i make my parent smile
or when i fall in love with a character in a book and re-read it
But I can't think straight,
she is trapped, the innocent soul
I talk to people,
Ask for help,
My people try but it's hard to understand.
It's hard to find what's missing.
I get exhausted and hopeless.
I feel I betrayed her, I couldn't help her, the guilt.
All I can do for now
is to keep the light going.